It’s been a while hasn’t it? You know I’m not one for apologies and honestly I don’t think there needs to be one. If you follow me elsewhere you’ll know that I’ve generally not had the brain space or energy to blog. I put out a grand total of five posts. The lowest amount I’ve written since I started just over EIGHT years ago – I’m an absolute granny in blogging years fam.
2018 taught me valuable lessons in survival and endurance. Not wanting to be dramatic the reality of that was more of me trying to actively manage my mental health for the first time. I’ve been trying to get formally diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and S.A.D. I have come to terms with the fact that I have a well and truly unhealthy relationship with the Internet. I’ve also come to terms with with that there will be days that all I feel I can physically do is stare at a wall, feed myself and shower. I’ve been slowly opening up to my parents that I’m stressed and don’t know what I’m doing with my life (hard stuff with Asian parentals but we’re doing it).
It may have come with age, but 2018 has also been very much sorting out what I actually truly care about, dropping what I don’t and realising that bad days are a blip in the timeline of my life. I’ve also realised this year, how very far I’ve come. On the phone to my sister in the Summer, she offhandedly said “You’re getting better at this y’know”. And I have. Every year I learn more about my triggers and how
But perhaps contradictory to the previous paragraph, I feel as if I have actually done well on this. Looking back at last year’s word ‘Aspire’, my focus and my goals were never about actual action. Reconnecting with my sense of self and what my ambitions are were my priorities.
Which brings me onto this year’s word.
Growth has many dictionary definitions from the literal, to the biological, to the economical. And like its dictionary definition I’m choosing to interpret it in multiple ways.
Growth for me is not changing who I am now that I’ve got myself a new calendar. Growth is building on the foundations of last year’s aspirations and achievements. Growth is nurturing my enjoyment in the things I really feel passionate about. Growth will be a challenge, but growth will also be knowing that learning the importance of adapting. Growth is learning more and more about myself.
In practical terms this means taking leaps and feeling scared. It means getting serious about dreams, aspirations, and ambitions, with the expectation that things will not work out 100% of the time. It means being honest with myself about what truly makes me happy and investing in that.
I’m excited to plant the seeds this year. Watch me bloom.