Tag: personal post

Hello (again)

As Summer draws it last lazy breath, Autumn steps into the light. A new season full of promise. A turn of a page, a reboot of sorts, and a moment for me to say hello (again) to the blog and a hello to you.

Hiatus’ are becoming commonplace for me and I won’t apologise for this one. There were many reasons I strayed from the blog none very dramatic but as I am saying hello (again) I thought it fit for us all to have a catch up.

A digital detox of sorts

I know this sounds cliche but I am genuinely trying to be more mindful of how I consume social media and spend my time in the online world. I’ve especially found myself exhausted by the digital as I now spend 90% of my time in my actual job logged tuned into the Internet. The last thing I’ve wanted to do lately has been to sit down and actually write a blog post and the pressure I was mounting onto myself to do so was draining me of creativity. So I took a step back. I’ve tried considering what I use each of my social media platforms for and want to try and re-focus on quality (not quantity) again.

Writing, writing, and more writing

I have been writing though, off screen and out of way. Part invigorated by my trip to GrrrlCon back in June and being surrounded by wonderfully talented, inspiring and inclusive female writers, I have spent the past few months burrowing away delving back into creative writing. The result? I’ve a folder of poems on my computer ripe for submissions, I’m back on track with two novel projects which I thought were long abandoned, and I’m working on short stories for potential submissions to literary magazines. I’m also more comfortable talking more openly about what I’m writing to people in real life. More importantly my curiosity for the creative is back. I’ve not felt this great about my writing in years.

Activist self-care

2017 is relentless isn’t it? If it’s not Tr*mp literally running riot in the White House, it’s the absolute sh* t show of the UK Tory Government, or ignorant Nazi meatheads plowing down innocent protesters. I was fired up at the beginning of the year to fight, but the activist burnout has been so very real. I’ve learnt the hard way that shouting constantly on my own is not sustainable. So again, like my little blogging detox, I’ve been stepping away from the 24/7 news cycle and trying to not to get too sucked into the negative.

I realise I preach the ‘activism must be persistent and consistent’ line all the time but a balance is needed and it is hard to admit that stepping back, taking breaks, and looking after myself is so very important for me right now. Activism requires shift work and the silver lining to all the terrible in the World is realising that there are entire networks of incredible people willing to make change happen. None of us have to do this alone.

Show not tell

Not sure if you’ve noticed but I have a problem with making plans and not following through. I tell you I’m travelling to India and I don’t share pics. I start new blogging series and let them fall to the wayside. I promise big things on this blog but they often don’t come to fruition. I’m very good at shooting the sh*t when it comes to ideas, but when it comes to execution I often fall short of time and effort. I want to stop promising so much and just let blog posts fall more spontaneously across my little corner of the Internet. I would encourage you to follow me on Twitter and Instagram if you miss me that much.

(Re)Balance

And here’s a nice 180 back to my original New Year’s Resolution. I was seeking balance this year. I needed it after my accidental ‘year of saying yes’ and I do believe I have time to claw this back. Everything I’ve talked about here ties into this singular resolution.

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Before I have you all worry this isn’t a ‘the old Ria can’t come to the phone right now cause she’s dead’ type of situation with the blog. As I acknowledged in my last post the ‘blogging’ landscape has changed, I’ve changed, my priorities have changed. Which means I needed time away to re-envision, recharge and rework what I actually wanted this little corner of my Internet to be like. And this post is just the start.

Ria Xx

I found a few of my old childhood diaries over Christmas. Amongst the ridiculous entries on teenage drama and moaning about how hard school was, spattered in between these entries were occasional list of things I wanted to have achieved by age 25.

The lists are long.

They include everything from fly around the World, visit Los Angeles, own a house, own a car, be married with babies on the radar, work in fashion, be performing on a West End stage, go to Drama School, graduate in English Literature, live in London, live in Paris, become a journalist, become a full time writer etc. The common theme was 25 was the age I was going to be sorted. I’d have figured it all out.

25 seemed so very old when I was a kid. It felt ‘adult’ and I definitely thought I would ‘have my life together’ by now.

Examining my life through the eyes of my childhood self, I am a failure. I don’t have my own home, or a boyfriend, let alone a fiance. I failed one of my A Levels and as a consequence never went to my first choice University. I’m not a published author, nor am I on track for a singing or acting career (probably for the best tbh).

Today is my 25th Birthday

And I’m no more certain as to what I actually want out of my life than I did when I was 10, or 15, or heck even 20.

What I have got at 25 is peace of mind that I’m am finally ok with that. I’m finally ok with not having my sh*t together.

I read a fantastic quote from Shonda Rhimes recently that got me thinking about this.

“If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I’m probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a prestigious award, I am missing my baby’s first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter’s debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh’s last scene ever being filmed at Grey’s Anatomy. If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other…You never feel a hundred percent OK; you never get your sea legs; you are always a little nauseous.”

We live in a world of aspirational Instagram worthy lifestyles, KonMari and Bullet Journals, capsule wardrobes and wellness bloggers. For many cis-women, we’re meant to have a great graduate job, a loving boyfriend-girlfriend/a great sex life/rolling set of Tinder dates to fall back on, immaculate Ikea fitted homes with mason jars and homemade kale smoothies in the fridge alongside our meal planned vegan dinners. We’re supposed to be social and live our lives to the fullest. But we’re also pushed to be reflective, write journals, talk politics and recognise our privilege, be active feminists and social justice warriors. We’re supposed to be Tough Mudder competitors or Triathlon warrior women but also the feminine combination of Kylie Jenner, Blake Lively and Beyonce.

Whilst it may not feel like it we have some much more freedom to be who we want to be than the women before us, but freedom is often overwhelming.

Shonda’s quote serves as a lovely reminder that even the most successful women, even Emmy award winning producers who’s shows basically keep entire US television networks afloat, are ‘failing’ by societies standards. And for her that’s ok.

Sometimes in world ruled by social surveillance and careful profile curation I feel like we all need to be a bit more aware that we are not infallible beings. We make mistakes. We are going to f*ck up and most importantly we are not going to have perfect lives 24/7. Even trying to achieve that standard of living would likely push you to the point of physical and mental exhaustion.

Now at 25 I have finally come to some peace with the idea of not having my sh*t together and I’m done pretending to the world otherwise.

I may not be a popstar or published author, but I’m working in an industry that I’m really interested in. I may not be married, but I know my self worth is not based on my romantic entanglements. I value and love my family and friends so very much. I want to travel before tethering myself to a place or a person, and even then I want to experience the World in its entirety. I’m blessed with privilege and the freedom to potentially return to studying one day, move to another country, or change my career entirely. My ambition is still there. I’m still a dreamer, a writer and feels so very passionate about people. I also get jealous, am stubborn and can be a real dick. I’m not a perfect person and should never prescribe to be one.

The ‘me’ at 25 is content.