Thoroughly modern millennial

Category: Blog

  • 25 | Thoughts on not having your life together

    25 | Thoughts on not having your life together

    I found a few of my old childhood diaries over Christmas. Amongst the ridiculous entries on teenage drama and moaning about how hard school was, spattered in between these entries were occasional list of things I wanted to have achieved by age 25.

    The lists are long.

    They include everything from fly around the World, visit Los Angeles, own a house, own a car, be married with babies on the radar, work in fashion, be performing on a West End stage, go to Drama School, graduate in English Literature, live in London, live in Paris, become a journalist, become a full time writer etc. The common theme was 25 was the age I was going to be sorted. I’d have figured it all out.

    25 seemed so very old when I was a kid. It felt ‘adult’ and I definitely thought I would ‘have my life together’ by now.

    Examining my life through the eyes of my childhood self, I am a failure. I don’t have my own home, or a boyfriend, let alone a fiance. I failed one of my A Levels and as a consequence never went to my first choice University. I’m not a published author, nor am I on track for a singing or acting career (probably for the best tbh).

    Today is my 25th Birthday

    And I’m no more certain as to what I actually want out of my life than I did when I was 10, or 15, or heck even 20.

    What I have got at 25 is peace of mind that I’m am finally ok with that. I’m finally ok with not having my sh*t together.

    I read a fantastic quote from Shonda Rhimes recently that got me thinking about this.

    “If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I’m probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a prestigious award, I am missing my baby’s first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter’s debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh’s last scene ever being filmed at Grey’s Anatomy. If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other…You never feel a hundred percent OK; you never get your sea legs; you are always a little nauseous.”

    We live in a world of aspirational Instagram worthy lifestyles, KonMari and Bullet Journals, capsule wardrobes and wellness bloggers. For many cis-women, we’re meant to have a great graduate job, a loving boyfriend-girlfriend/a great sex life/rolling set of Tinder dates to fall back on, immaculate Ikea fitted homes with mason jars and homemade kale smoothies in the fridge alongside our meal planned vegan dinners. We’re supposed to be social and live our lives to the fullest. But we’re also pushed to be reflective, write journals, talk politics and recognise our privilege, be active feminists and social justice warriors. We’re supposed to be Tough Mudder competitors or Triathlon warrior women but also the feminine combination of Kylie Jenner, Blake Lively and Beyonce.

    Whilst it may not feel like it we have some much more freedom to be who we want to be than the women before us, but freedom is often overwhelming.

    Shonda’s quote serves as a lovely reminder that even the most successful women, even Emmy award winning producers who’s shows basically keep entire US television networks afloat, are ‘failing’ by societies standards. And for her that’s ok.

    Sometimes in world ruled by social surveillance and careful profile curation I feel like we all need to be a bit more aware that we are not infallible beings. We make mistakes. We are going to f*ck up and most importantly we are not going to have perfect lives 24/7. Even trying to achieve that standard of living would likely push you to the point of physical and mental exhaustion.

    Now at 25 I have finally come to some peace with the idea of not having my sh*t together and I’m done pretending to the world otherwise.

    I may not be a popstar or published author, but I’m working in an industry that I’m really interested in. I may not be married, but I know my self worth is not based on my romantic entanglements. I value and love my family and friends so very much. I want to travel before tethering myself to a place or a person, and even then I want to experience the World in its entirety. I’m blessed with privilege and the freedom to potentially return to studying one day, move to another country, or change my career entirely. My ambition is still there. I’m still a dreamer, a writer and feels so very passionate about people. I also get jealous, am stubborn and can be a real dick. I’m not a perfect person and should never prescribe to be one.

    The ‘me’ at 25 is content.

  • Guest Post | Who am I? | Prithvi

    Guest Post | Who am I? | Prithvi

    I carry the burden of introspection. I carry the cultures and lives I have been a part of. We are constantly looking to identify our ethnicity and acknowledgement of belonging.

    When I was growing up in the middle east, I was awkwardly attempting to learn more about India, my ‘motherland’. I went to an Indian syllabus based school, hung out with the most popular girls who seemed to have it all and binge watched Indian movies to see and learn as much as I could. To get it right, somehow.

    But I was a coconut; white on the inside and brown on the outside. The casual statement ‘how would you know, you are not a REAL Indian’ will haunt the aftermath of my continuous path to self realization.

    Recently upon reading ‘The Good Immigrant’, I got thinking. Here we all are, questioning who are we and where are we going. But we stand together, as a group of people who have been hurt or lost, in one way or another.

    This year, I had to renew my Tier 2 visa UK work permit. And it hurt. It hurt a lot, to answer questions and suppress the desire to constantly apologise to everyone in charge of the visa application. I heard it in their voices and I saw it in their eyes. I had to apologise. I do not blame or accuse people for their ignorance of what it is like to feel like an immigrant, but I am jealous because it is truly bliss. Coming to a country and steal jobs from the other deserving native people is apparently what we do. I apologise.

    And yet you run into an odd person who would like to share their views on how difficult it is for people from countries like India and Pakistan, to get a visa. Thank you. Again, I apologise.

    I see an elderly white man shout out ‘muslim shoplifter’ to an asian woman wearing a headscarf cause she is walking out of Zara, carrying a shopping bag. I am so sorry.

    The sorrow and guilt we carry binds us together, that is what makes us feel alive and empathetic. I wish I had answers for where we are going, but I can tell you who we are; We are Immigrants.

    A writer who had the most impact on me and whose words I remember, is Warsan Shire. Here’s an excerpt from a poem called ‘What they did yesterday afternoon’.

    ‘i’ve been praying,

    and these are what my prayers look like;

    dear god

    i come from two countries

    one is thirsty

    the other is on fire

    both need water.

     

    later that night

    i held an atlas in my lap

    ran my fingers across the whole world

    and whispered

    where does it hurt?

     

    it answered

    everywhere

    everywhere

    everywhere.’

    — — —

    Oh boy, I’m so happy I have the wonderful privilege to share posts like these with you guys. Prithvi, for those of you who don’t know, is one of the five lovely girls I live with.  She’s actually on this trip to India with me but deserves some comment love none-the-less so let me know your thoughts below. She is sans Twitter – working on that fam ;) – but she has just started her first blog, so go follow.

    Ria Xx

     

  • March | In Retrospect

    March | In Retrospect

    Song of the month: Green Light, Lorde

    So much for productivity! March has come and gone, and I’m wracking my brain for what actually even happened in the past four weeks. I’ve not exactly been busy, though work and life have felt hectic in the run up to my holiday next week.

    Nope. This feels more like mental fatigue.

    I’m tired guys.

    Tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of the Internet in general. It’s not quite as bad as when I felt like I needed an entire blogging break, but it is enough to make me want to shut off my laptop and sleep. I guess it doesn’t help that my entire job is spent online, The last thing I tend to want to do is then open up a blogging page and write content.

    There’s also just a growing sense that I’m getting far too overwhelmed with new and voices and content on the Internet. Everything is so hard to digest and I honestly feel too tired to keep up with everything going on politically and socially right now. Don’t get me wrong, I care. I vent and argue plenty irl, but on here? Sometimes I feel like I’m one tiny voice lost in a sea of far more eloquent activists, journalist and writers. And I just can’t keep up right now.

    Slight ramble over and out. I’m seriously hoping this mini break away from the Internet and ‘normal’ life will be pretty good and there are a fab group of guest writers who’ll be looking after TMM whilst I’m away too.

    To end on a positive note, there has been some content I’ve been really proud of going up on the blog lately – you can check out the links below. When the writing flows, it flows for me and I guess I just need to recapture that asap!

    Ria Xx

    This month in blogs:

    On TMM

    Why celebrity feminism is flawed // An evening with Gillian Anderson & Jennifer Nadel // International Women’s Day

    On Blogger’s Bookshelf:

    Favourite Female Authors group collaboration

    On Resonate Voices:

    Miss Saigon Broadway opening article