Tag: Life

  • 2017 | In Retrospective

    2017 | In Retrospective

    It’s the end of the year as we know it and boy am I so ready for 2018.

    Hello, it’s been a while. I’ve found it hard to try and find the words lately to summerise 2017. I’ve written and re-written this a dozen or so times. There’s no sugarcoating the ups and downs. There’s no making this all very ‘editorial’. Here’s my little retrospective on the past year.

    Back in January, I was ready to write, fight and rise out the ashes of the sh*t show of 2016. I was aching to do something to help and make a difference. I threw myself into being as loud and vocal as I could. I was writing and learning and trying to boost voices and I kept up the momentum for a while. But I picked up bad habits and realised being glued to the constant barrage of bad just mentally wore me down. I spiralled and lost hope. I burnt out and as a consequence, I just stopped. Stopped blogging. Stopped writing. Stopped doing more than maybe a twitter rant or two.

    That paired with a year of my mind going through cycles of exhaustion and recovery meant 2017 has become the year where I’ve felt the most aware of my mental health and how I deal with those as an adult. I am finding it harder and harder to ignore the fact that I am really not ok sometimes.

    The promise of a new calendar year is awfully deceptive. I want to believe once the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve these feelings will instantly drift away. But it won’t overnight. That being said being aware of my own behaviour, what triggers it, what makes me feel and why is just the start of a journey towards a more sustainable approach to my mental health and looking after myself.

    With those lows have come the highest of highs.

    I went to India back in April and I keep forgetting that actually happened. I’ve kept quiet on the details not because I’ve wanted to keep the whole trip under wraps but I realised I was finding it hard to put into words what I got up to without it sounding so very ‘GUYS I totally found myself watching the sunset in Goa.’

    But I DID watch the sunset in Goa. I also saw the sunset and turn into wonderful shades of purple and pink whilst sat on a houseboat in Alleppey. I spent an evening watching fog stream across huge mountain valleys covered in tea leaves. I packed myself into a tuk-tuk with four of my travel gang as we raced across Panjim on Easter Sunday. I saw the Taj Mahal in 30+ degree heat after an exhausting hour-long domestic flight and a four-hour drive from Delhi. I danced (badly) at my first Indian wedding in a colourful sari which I haggled for in a dress shop all by myself. In between the big moments were girly chats over freshly made garlic naan, learning phrases in Malayalam thanks to our driver in Kerala, and enough #travelsquad selfies to last a lifetime.

    The trip did not come without drama, illness, and stress. but as cliched as it sounds it was such a once in a lifetime experience that I’d never take back.

    My name was in print for the first time ever alongside an original piece poetry this year. The lovely folks at 404 Ink selected Filipina as part of their ‘F-Word’ themed issue 2 of the literary magazine. I have to admit I couldn’t quite hold back the tears when I got my copy of the magazine. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to really convey just how that felt to me. It’s not a book deal or heck even a sign up to an agent but it’s a start.

    A start ignited, if you remember, by the wonderful Write Like A Grrrl course I did over a year and a half ago. Off the back of that, I packed my bags for a rather uncharacteristically sunny Manchester for GrrrlCon. What ensued was quite possibly the most magical weekend of writing and female empowerment I have ever witnessed to date. I couldn’t stop raving about how great it was to be in a room with some incredibly supportive female writers and creators. The conversations on confidence and inner critics were open, honest, and frankly quite cathartic to have. I honestly wished I could just stay there for the end of time. I found it hard to sustain that feeling once away from that little writing community, but I’m hoping to make a fresh start on my writing goals in the new year.

    Though I’ve ticked off some of the biggest bucket list items that I never thought would be possible, it’s been the smaller moments that I’ve really appreciated.

    Exploring London and Cambridge with Erin, the quiet mornings spent writing in small Northern Quarter cafes before a packed day at GrrrlCon, seeing my sister turn 18 (and discovering she is quite a dancer at her birthday party), hearing the tower bells of Magdelene College on my first May Morning in Oxford, wine and pizza nights with my housemates, the geeky atmosphere of LFCC (and spotting Alison Hannigan at her signing booth), happy crying watching Kelly Marie Tran in Star Wars, hearing Gillian Anderson talk about feminism, enjoying my first snow day in years, watching more live poetry, spoken word and comedy, making a fool of myself dancing with my colleagues at work parties, watching Dan + Shay live in Birmingham, punting and pimms on a warm summer day, wandering around Amsterdam in the brisk winter sunshine with my family, evenings spent roaring with laughter with friends over stupid pub quiz questions.

    As cheesy as it sounds those moments are the ones I’m carrying with me into 2018.

    This whole post is packed with cliches and I’m sorry it’s been a bit of a ramble. (I’m a bit rusty on the blog writing front) So cheers to you for making it through. I’m actually taking a bit of a break at the start of the new year before leaping back into working (I’m calling it my makeshift writing/’Ria sorts her life out retreat’). Aside from a little 2018 resolutions blog post, I’ll guess see you on the other side!

    R Xx

  • April | In Retrospect

    April | In Retrospect

    Song of the month: Stay, Zedd (ft Alessia Cara)

    April went by in a blur. Mental tiredness has now been replaced by the physical exhaustion.

    I barely remember anything that happened this month and looking at it in retrospect feels like a totally out of body experience.

    I have India travel posts coming very soon, so I won’t spend too much talking about it now. We did so much in two weeks it’ll be hard to quantify in words and images alone, but it was definitely one of the most incredible holidays I’ve ever been on. It would be very easy to go all ‘Gap Yah/Eat, Pray Love’ about this trip, but it did test the limits of my comfort zone. I do think I’ve come out of the other end of this holiday more resilient and it’s put a lot of things into perspective for me too.

    India aside, April marked a very subdued 25th birthday. Jet lag and a few personal dramas aside meant it came and went without much fanfare. Appropriate really as I mentioned in my last post that I’m at a point in my mid-twenties where I feel content to just ‘be’. Bank Holiday was the polar opposite of ridiculousness partaking in the Oxford tradition of getting up at 5am for May Morning Celebrations. It was nice to tick off the bucket list, but I wholly recommend not going out the night before.

    And now we’re meandering into May, my body and brain are grateful for a bit of a break and a return to normalcy before the Summer. My plan is to get back on track, back to writing and reading, and to clear my headspace of this travel fog. I’m also determined to get back to work on some proper activism again (*whispers* Hey UK peeps have you registered to vote yet? Remember to register to vote ok!). Whilst it was nice ignoring the real world for a while it’s definitely time to delve back in again.

    p.s. I need to say a quick thank you to my lovely guest writers who looked after TMM so well in my absence. So shout out to Michelle, Anastasia, Lucy, Prithvi, and Anjali for their wonderful pieces – click on each name to catch up on their posts!

    Ria

  • March | In Retrospect

    March | In Retrospect

    Song of the month: Green Light, Lorde

    So much for productivity! March has come and gone, and I’m wracking my brain for what actually even happened in the past four weeks. I’ve not exactly been busy, though work and life have felt hectic in the run up to my holiday next week.

    Nope. This feels more like mental fatigue.

    I’m tired guys.

    Tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of the Internet in general. It’s not quite as bad as when I felt like I needed an entire blogging break, but it is enough to make me want to shut off my laptop and sleep. I guess it doesn’t help that my entire job is spent online, The last thing I tend to want to do is then open up a blogging page and write content.

    There’s also just a growing sense that I’m getting far too overwhelmed with new and voices and content on the Internet. Everything is so hard to digest and I honestly feel too tired to keep up with everything going on politically and socially right now. Don’t get me wrong, I care. I vent and argue plenty irl, but on here? Sometimes I feel like I’m one tiny voice lost in a sea of far more eloquent activists, journalist and writers. And I just can’t keep up right now.

    Slight ramble over and out. I’m seriously hoping this mini break away from the Internet and ‘normal’ life will be pretty good and there are a fab group of guest writers who’ll be looking after TMM whilst I’m away too.

    To end on a positive note, there has been some content I’ve been really proud of going up on the blog lately – you can check out the links below. When the writing flows, it flows for me and I guess I just need to recapture that asap!

    Ria Xx

    This month in blogs:

    On TMM

    Why celebrity feminism is flawed // An evening with Gillian Anderson & Jennifer Nadel // International Women’s Day

    On Blogger’s Bookshelf:

    Favourite Female Authors group collaboration

    On Resonate Voices:

    Miss Saigon Broadway opening article