Soundtrack: When I Come Around by Green Day
Dear July,
July, this was my first time with you as an ‘adult’ (whatever that means).
I was coming off a high with you last year. Solo travel, a graduate job and y’know the small matter of actually leaving University. So much was changing. Had changed. So much was happening I barely had time to process it all. I was on the brink of figuring out what I wanted to do now that I was done with school. And now? My life feels…settled (That’s a nice word for it). I’m in a comfortable job. I work a 9-5. My weekends are free. I write blog posts. I write. I read. I spend far too much time in cafes or in bed on Netflix or Twitter. I have routine again. I have bills to pay and deadlines to meet. I feel content with my lot in life but sometimes – and you can blame it on FOMO – I wonder whether I should be doing something more exciting?
I’ve done a lot of reflecting with you July because of this. I don’t think I’m the only 23 year old to feel this way – and I think Marion’s video expressed this much better than I ever could to be honest. Being a grown up is not what I expected it to be. But in reality as I look back on this month’s Instagram photos as I do every month, if I had the chance to speak to my 15/16 year old self I wonder how would she react to my life now. Sometimes comparing your life to years ago can feel much more productive than comparing to one year ago.
This July I’ve come to terms with being ok with on my own but not necessarily lonely. I’ve gone out explored more of ‘my city’ – as this is what Oxford feels like to me now. I welcomed a friend into said city for the day and had so much fun showing it off. I went to my second convention of the year and reunited with a friend from the first I attended two year ago (it had been two years since I’d seen her too). I’ve become one of those adults that gets nostalgic listening to From Under The Cork Tree and Dookie. I’ve once again decided I really love the online community, whether that be brief instances of interaction on Twitter or full blown conversations I’ve been having with my Camp NaNoWriMo cabin. Speaking of NaNo, I’ve reignited my love of writing. I adore creating stories and I want to get published one day.
My life may not be what I imagined it when I was 15 but it’s mine and only mine. And I really like it right now. I hope I feel the same about this next year.
R.xoxo
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*Trying out a little format change inspired by Emily Diana Ruth‘s ‘Letters to July‘ series on Youtube. Let me know what you think.
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