Thoroughly modern millennial

Tag: 2018

  • Unconventional Milestones

    Unconventional Milestones

    I’ve said many times that I’m long past the point where I care about hitting particular milestones to determine my ‘adulthood’. That can sometimes be hard for someone who doesn’t have an engagement ring or sonogram photo or keys to my own place to boast about in a Facebook status

    One of my favourite writers Laura Jane Williams wrote in her Red Magazine column recently expressed her frustration of how sometimes those who take a less conventional route through life are often overlooked. Traditional rites of passage are often the more celebrated, but that doesn’t mean those of us who stray from the usual path should feel as if we have nothing that is “deemed culturally important enough for a designated bit in the card shop.”

    As it’s my 26th birthday today, I wanted to share some perhaps more unconventional milestones with you that I’m hoping to achieve. These are the ones I will personally deem important enough to celebrate – maybe with a Facebook status – one day.

    LIVE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

    It’s slowly dawning on me that by the time my parents hit their 30s they’d upped and moved to a completely different country at least once. I’ve ‘technically’ done that too, but I don’t think moving to Japan or the UK as a toddler really counts? I’ve always wanted to challenge myself to move across land/sea to see how I’d fare. So far, because of my lack of language skills, the safest options are likely the US, Canada, Australia, or New Zealand. Though it would be interesting to see if I could make a braver decision to go somewhere where I would have to pick up the language too.

    ACTIVELY MANAGE MY MENTAL HEALTH

    This is not just having a self-care Sunday moment. It’s getting a proper diagnosis. It’s trying therapy and potentially medication. It’s managing ups and downs properly. It’s recognising good physical health also contributes to good mental health. I know there’s unlikely to be a miracle pill in my lifetime that will help me do this, but if I can get to a point where I feel comfortable, know myself and weather the storm as it were then I definitely want to be celebrating that.

    ATTEND A PROTEST OR RALLY

    (I may have a chance to do this in July. haha!) But in all seriousness, I kind of wish this wasn’t on my milestone list. I wish we lived in a World where I didn’t have to tell Governments and politicians to do their job. But alas, protests, rallies or marches are now a core part of activism. I talk the talk, I’ve written about how people can support these causes from afar, but it’s important to me that I get out there myself.

    SIGN WITH A LITERARY AGENT

    I really hope I’m not jinxing myself with this one. My writing and unfinished books are my babies, so I guess this would be the equivalent of finding the right man for me to help me birth them into the World. For me, the agent is a huge first step more so than a publishing deal. I know from working in the industry and from authors that I follow that getting an agent who you know and deeply trust is like gold dust, so I appreciate this one may take some time. But I know it’ll be worth it.

    ~  ~  ~

    And in the spirit of celebration, here are a couple of unconventional milestones I’ve already hit:

    1. Travelled solo to another country (and am itching to again!).
    2. Built a piece of flatpack furniture by myself *insert strong arm emoji here*
    3. Had my writing and my name in print.
    4. Work in a job where I use the degree I studied for. #MillennialGoals
    5. Finally figured out how to budget. Properly. Spreadsheets and everything.

    ~  ~  ~

    Let me know what unconventional milestones you’ve hit too! I’d love to celebrate with you guys as well.

    R Xx

  • I’m Not Ok | On Patience & Time

    I’m Not Ok | On Patience & Time

    I knew setting the lofty goal of aspiration for 2018 would be hard. That’s the whole point. I am ‘aspiring’ to go bigger. I’m ‘aspiring’ to be bolder. I’m setting my own standards so high that they are a little out of reach because I know it’ll pay off in the long run. But achievements, change, and goals take time to cultivate. Even the easiest of new year’s resolutions can be expected to manifest themselves by month three of the year.

    That doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting it all. And in a world of instantaneous gratification, in that awfully selfish Violet Beauregarde kind of way, ‘I want it all now‘.

    And that my friend has been the most frustrating thing about the start of this year.

    Because patience, is a virtue that I do not possess without real, well…patience. Lack of patience coupled with what appears to be another downward spiral in my mental health has meant these first three months have been hard. That’s an admission I don’t like to make often.

    It’s different to the usual creativity/writer’s block. It’s a different kind of stress.

    It’s draining and exhausting.

    It’s feeling guilty for having a good life and not feeling satisfied with it. It’s being sat in bed at midnight staring at the wall and dreading the feeling of the monotony of the same every day. It’s putting on a good face because you don’t want to worry your friends and family. It’s losing interest in what you used to love. It’s the guilt, again, because you’re too exhausted to do anything you love. It’s piling on so much pressure that you crack on a phone call. It’s constantly saying you’re ok when you’re really not.

    I’ve often suspected I suffer from a mild form of S.A.D. and this Winter has definitely felt like the hardest slog of slogs *shakes fist at the snow outside of my window*. Spring and April (my birthday month) always leave me feeling far more hopeful than January ever does. The start of a new season does tend to have this effect on me.

    But as I alluded to in my last 2017 post I know I have to accept that this is a journey. Things will now change overnight. It will be hard. It will take me opening up to people like I am right now. It will take patience and time.

    I’m willing to accept that this may be the first tiny step towards accepting that, sometimes, I’m not ok. But that in itself is totally ok.

    Ria Xx

  • The F Word: Getting real about my finances

    The F Word: Getting real about my finances

    We’re talking a ‘taboo’ subject today and one that’s still seen as inappropriate to be so brazen about.

    Finances

    I know. Snoozefest. But since opening up about earnings and spending habits to friends and family I’ve personally found it less scary to actually approach something that’s a bit dry and still a bit dirty to talk about.

    Money + Me

    I’ve never been terrible with money. I’ve been very lucky to have been in some form of employment (even if just part-time) since the age of 17. I don’t have any ‘debt’ other than my student loan and I do a have a pretty immense fear of going ‘in the red’ as it were.

    I don’t say all of this to brag, but I think it’s important to establish and recognise that I do come from an incredibly privileged background and was lucky my parents instilled a ‘work hard and save your money’ ethic in me.

    But even so, I know I have some bad habits. Last year, in particular, was a particularly ‘spendy’ year. Though I’d never take back the experiences of my India trip, I did dip into my savings in order to afford it. I was also, for the first time, doing financially well at work and took the fact that I knew I’d worked hard as permission to spend any disposable income as such. Surely that was my reward for how long I’d worked through Uni and in a graduate job?

    Whilst for some this kind of spending is totally reasonable, for me, I needed a wake-up call and that was the realisation that I wanted to do so much more.

    I want to travel more, I possibly want to do an MA one day, I want to get out of a renting cycle and own my own space (even if that’s just a teeny studio flat), and (as much as I adore Oxford) I would like to try live in another country for a bit.

    Unfortunately, all that costs money.

    Which means I need to stop being so scared to check my bank account and pay attention to what I’m flinging my debit card at.

    The Audit

    I drew a line in the sand at the end of 2017 and accepted I spent frivolously at times. And that’s ok? It’s already done and spent. I can’t take any of that spend back and 2018 onwards is my fresh start.

    This month, I’ve taken a good, long hard look at how I approach money and for the first time tracked every spend, every bill, and every ‘ treat yo’self’ purchase.

    Rather helpfully I found a super amazing spending/saving tracker on Twitter which has been so helpful in categorising my spend and allows tabs for tracking potential savings. With a little editing and playing around, I got a pretty decent idea of what my spending habits are, how much money is coming in, and what my current financial standing is.

    There’s good and bad in there, but overall I guess I’m not in as dire straits as I thought.

    Setting Financial Goals

    There is still, however, a lot of room for improvement!

    Some things I’ve started already, such as moving to a much cheaper phone contract, shopping at my local corner shop or farmer’s market on a Saturday because I’ll get way more for my money, and batch cooking to cut down on the amount I eat out.

    But here are a few some of the goals I have in mind to kick-start some healthier spending habits.

    Follow the 50/20/30 rule:

    Popularized by Elizabeth Warren (yes, that Elizabeth Warren) this budgeting method has you split your income into 50% for essentials (rent, food, bills etc.) and 20% for your savings account. The remaining 30% is then allocated to non-essential spending (i.e. that cheeky book purchase, cocktails with friends on a weekend, or tickets for a cinema trip).

    The saving portion of this is especially something I want to focus on. My saving method has usually been to bung an arbitrary amount into my online savings account. Some months it would be loads, in other months not so much. Setting a specific amount and building a budget around the fact I know that’s going into my savings no matter what.

    But I also like the fact that the rule does allow for you to y’know spend on stuff that you enjoy rather than focus so heavily on saving or only spending on the ‘boring’ stuff.

    Setting up a f*ck it fund:

    Or for a more family-friendly version an emergency piggy bank. I want to start building up enough money so that I have at least 6 months worth of my total outgoings in case, god forbid, I can’t work anymore, fall ill, or need it for a family related emergency. Shit happens and I want to be more prepared for it.

    Equally the fund can potentially be for that moment in my life where I do want to take a leap into something bigger. Whether that be moving, or taking a break to travel, or going back to school, again, I want to be prepared for it.

    Equating mental health to unnecessary spend: 

    One thing I’ve been doing alongside tracking my spend is also working out when my mental health slips are, or when I’m stressed or tired. I’m definitely an emotional spender and will more than happily spend money on a book or drinks out if I’m feeling like I need a pick me up.

    This goal is bigger than just how I spend money, but it’s also taking into account the mental mindset I’m in when I do and working out a long-term way to address my mental health rather than the short-term buzz of buying something.

    There are more, some more private, others require a bit of work. Much like my 2018 writing goals I wanted to write about these to not only be held accountable but also because it’s a topic we shouldn’t shy away from. I’ve listed a couple of bloggers who’ve equally inspired me to write this post.

    If any of you guys have any tips on saving those pennies let me know, I’d love to open up the conversation on money, budgeting and finances in general out into the blogsphere.

    R Xx