Author: Ria

  • I’m Not Ok | On Patience & Time

    I’m Not Ok | On Patience & Time

    I knew setting the lofty goal of aspiration for 2018 would be hard. That’s the whole point. I am ‘aspiring’ to go bigger. I’m ‘aspiring’ to be bolder. I’m setting my own standards so high that they are a little out of reach because I know it’ll pay off in the long run. But achievements, change, and goals take time to cultivate. Even the easiest of new year’s resolutions can be expected to manifest themselves by month three of the year.

    That doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting it all. And in a world of instantaneous gratification, in that awfully selfish Violet Beauregarde kind of way, ‘I want it all now‘.

    And that my friend has been the most frustrating thing about the start of this year.

    Because patience, is a virtue that I do not possess without real, well…patience. Lack of patience coupled with what appears to be another downward spiral in my mental health has meant these first three months have been hard. That’s an admission I don’t like to make often.

    It’s different to the usual creativity/writer’s block. It’s a different kind of stress.

    It’s draining and exhausting.

    It’s feeling guilty for having a good life and not feeling satisfied with it. It’s being sat in bed at midnight staring at the wall and dreading the feeling of the monotony of the same every day. It’s putting on a good face because you don’t want to worry your friends and family. It’s losing interest in what you used to love. It’s the guilt, again, because you’re too exhausted to do anything you love. It’s piling on so much pressure that you crack on a phone call. It’s constantly saying you’re ok when you’re really not.

    I’ve often suspected I suffer from a mild form of S.A.D. and this Winter has definitely felt like the hardest slog of slogs *shakes fist at the snow outside of my window*. Spring and April (my birthday month) always leave me feeling far more hopeful than January ever does. The start of a new season does tend to have this effect on me.

    But as I alluded to in my last 2017 post I know I have to accept that this is a journey. Things will now change overnight. It will be hard. It will take me opening up to people like I am right now. It will take patience and time.

    I’m willing to accept that this may be the first tiny step towards accepting that, sometimes, I’m not ok. But that in itself is totally ok.

    Ria Xx

  • The F Word: Getting real about my finances

    The F Word: Getting real about my finances

    We’re talking a ‘taboo’ subject today and one that’s still seen as inappropriate to be so brazen about.

    Finances

    I know. Snoozefest. But since opening up about earnings and spending habits to friends and family I’ve personally found it less scary to actually approach something that’s a bit dry and still a bit dirty to talk about.

    Money + Me

    I’ve never been terrible with money. I’ve been very lucky to have been in some form of employment (even if just part-time) since the age of 17. I don’t have any ‘debt’ other than my student loan and I do a have a pretty immense fear of going ‘in the red’ as it were.

    I don’t say all of this to brag, but I think it’s important to establish and recognise that I do come from an incredibly privileged background and was lucky my parents instilled a ‘work hard and save your money’ ethic in me.

    But even so, I know I have some bad habits. Last year, in particular, was a particularly ‘spendy’ year. Though I’d never take back the experiences of my India trip, I did dip into my savings in order to afford it. I was also, for the first time, doing financially well at work and took the fact that I knew I’d worked hard as permission to spend any disposable income as such. Surely that was my reward for how long I’d worked through Uni and in a graduate job?

    Whilst for some this kind of spending is totally reasonable, for me, I needed a wake-up call and that was the realisation that I wanted to do so much more.

    I want to travel more, I possibly want to do an MA one day, I want to get out of a renting cycle and own my own space (even if that’s just a teeny studio flat), and (as much as I adore Oxford) I would like to try live in another country for a bit.

    Unfortunately, all that costs money.

    Which means I need to stop being so scared to check my bank account and pay attention to what I’m flinging my debit card at.

    The Audit

    I drew a line in the sand at the end of 2017 and accepted I spent frivolously at times. And that’s ok? It’s already done and spent. I can’t take any of that spend back and 2018 onwards is my fresh start.

    This month, I’ve taken a good, long hard look at how I approach money and for the first time tracked every spend, every bill, and every ‘ treat yo’self’ purchase.

    Rather helpfully I found a super amazing spending/saving tracker on Twitter which has been so helpful in categorising my spend and allows tabs for tracking potential savings. With a little editing and playing around, I got a pretty decent idea of what my spending habits are, how much money is coming in, and what my current financial standing is.

    There’s good and bad in there, but overall I guess I’m not in as dire straits as I thought.

    Setting Financial Goals

    There is still, however, a lot of room for improvement!

    Some things I’ve started already, such as moving to a much cheaper phone contract, shopping at my local corner shop or farmer’s market on a Saturday because I’ll get way more for my money, and batch cooking to cut down on the amount I eat out.

    But here are a few some of the goals I have in mind to kick-start some healthier spending habits.

    Follow the 50/20/30 rule:

    Popularized by Elizabeth Warren (yes, that Elizabeth Warren) this budgeting method has you split your income into 50% for essentials (rent, food, bills etc.) and 20% for your savings account. The remaining 30% is then allocated to non-essential spending (i.e. that cheeky book purchase, cocktails with friends on a weekend, or tickets for a cinema trip).

    The saving portion of this is especially something I want to focus on. My saving method has usually been to bung an arbitrary amount into my online savings account. Some months it would be loads, in other months not so much. Setting a specific amount and building a budget around the fact I know that’s going into my savings no matter what.

    But I also like the fact that the rule does allow for you to y’know spend on stuff that you enjoy rather than focus so heavily on saving or only spending on the ‘boring’ stuff.

    Setting up a f*ck it fund:

    Or for a more family-friendly version an emergency piggy bank. I want to start building up enough money so that I have at least 6 months worth of my total outgoings in case, god forbid, I can’t work anymore, fall ill, or need it for a family related emergency. Shit happens and I want to be more prepared for it.

    Equally the fund can potentially be for that moment in my life where I do want to take a leap into something bigger. Whether that be moving, or taking a break to travel, or going back to school, again, I want to be prepared for it.

    Equating mental health to unnecessary spend: 

    One thing I’ve been doing alongside tracking my spend is also working out when my mental health slips are, or when I’m stressed or tired. I’m definitely an emotional spender and will more than happily spend money on a book or drinks out if I’m feeling like I need a pick me up.

    This goal is bigger than just how I spend money, but it’s also taking into account the mental mindset I’m in when I do and working out a long-term way to address my mental health rather than the short-term buzz of buying something.

    There are more, some more private, others require a bit of work. Much like my 2018 writing goals I wanted to write about these to not only be held accountable but also because it’s a topic we shouldn’t shy away from. I’ve listed a couple of bloggers who’ve equally inspired me to write this post.

    If any of you guys have any tips on saving those pennies let me know, I’d love to open up the conversation on money, budgeting and finances in general out into the blogsphere.

    R Xx

     

  • 2018 Writing Goals

    2018 Writing Goals

    We may be headed towards the end of January but with a month working through the Kick Start Your Creative Heart writing programme I’m now in more of a position to know where I stand with all of my writing projects.

    Like in 2017 I have a number of goals I want to achieve with my creative writing this year, with all five centred around my word of the year – Aspire.

    1. Actively carve out time to write

    A little more detailed and perhaps more realistic than my ‘write every day’ goal. As much as I’d like to think writing every day would feel very natural, I need a bit of a push to make it a habit. I want to actually schedule time in my diary either on a weeknight or for longer periods on a weekend for writing, and pre-plan what I want to sit down and work on. I didn’t quite hit the every day mark for January, but again, this is a process that I want to get better at throughout 2018.

    2. Finish things

    Seeing as this is my year to ‘aspire’ for more I’m want to get right down to it. I want to finish something. Anything. But in particular, I want to aim to have written and finished the following:

    • A poetry anthology with at least half a dozen pieces on one theme
    • Three short stories/flash fiction pieces
    • The first draft of a novel

    If I don’t do these it’s not a huge deal. I definitely don’t want to pressure myself so much that I don’t enjoy the writing process itself. That being said I do have a habit of starting things and leaving them in a metaphorical slush pile to never work on again. I’ve spent the past few years really concentrating on creativity and finding my passion for writing again, but I really want to have a solid repertoire of work I can send off or start submitting or indeed keep to myself.

    3. Submit to 5 literary magazines

    Speaking of submissions. Though I didn’t actually hit the goal of five last year (I sent out submissions to two, with one rejection and one publication!) it was a useful goal to have in the back of my mind to push myself to be a bit more confident to send my work out into the World. I also want to try and submit more than just poetry too, so I’ll really be working on my flash fiction and short stories this year.

    4. Cull & edit down my project list

    This may seem counteractive to my ‘finish things’ goal’, but this is all about focus. To give you an idea I have around 20 unfinished ‘projects’ saved in folders upon folders on my computer, ranging from scripts for both TV and film, full-length novels to snippets of short stories. I’m rarely one to get writer’s block when it comes to new ideas but it can be really overwhelming when it comes to choosing what I actually want to work on. I want to edit down what I’m actively working on. That way I can focus solely on specific projects, instead of dancing between 20 and never finishing anything!

    5. Read like a writer

    One thing I’ve been awful at doing the past year is also carving out time to read. This year I’m pushing myself to finish the 52 book challenge. For me reading other people’s work is a writer’s best ammunition to becoming a better writer. I want to learn from the best and critique what I feel doesn’t quite work.

    — — —

    In the spirit of accountability, I’ll be checking in on these every now and then – and possibly sharing some actual writing snippets for once too!

    R Xx